I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
