i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
