Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
