she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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