it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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