just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
