i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
