if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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