Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
