Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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