I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
