Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
