Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
