i can't believe i had my finger in that
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
