I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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