FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
