Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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