Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
