Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
