Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i love accidental penises.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
