I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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