Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
