Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
