i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
