It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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