so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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