i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
