we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
