she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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