In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
