remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
