I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
