so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
