If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Barsexuality is the new black.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
