I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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