imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
