Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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