My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
