I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
