she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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