Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
