took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
