They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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