1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
