What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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