Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
