Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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