they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
