what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
