Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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