If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
