I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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