he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
