you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
