Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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