Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
