So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
