Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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